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Fantastic Us!

(You can email any one of us at joe, john, or greg at

Joe (Lead Bonanzier)

Joe is a full-time Fantastic Bonanzier. When he's not a full-time Bonanzier, he's a full-time student at Reed College in Portland, Oregon. One time he went to a Wolf Parade/Frog Eyes show instead of printing shirts, and it rocked pretty hard. Instead of actually doing any work at Fantastic Bonanza himself, he usually browbeats baby animals and/or baby people into doing everything for him. This strategy has been the key to his success. Besides the occasional browbeating, Joe also enjoys long strolls on the beach; but don't worry, Joe is not the kind of guy who enjoys destroying the sandcastles of others. So if you're the type who likes to make sandcastles, you don't have to worry -- unless, of course, you're a baby animal and/or a baby person, in which case your brow may or may not get beaten. As you may or may not have noticed, Joe likes to cover all his bases with meaningless tautology.

John (Chief Bonanzier)

As is required by his title, John frequently bonanziers to, from, and about many exotic locales around the world. His hobbies include: irreparably damaging the hair cells in his inner ear, actively challenging socially-constructed furniture roles for "chairs" and "mattresses," and exerting a miniscule gravitational force on all objects in the observable universe. He also draws things occasionally and watches all manners of Star Trek. Before he dies, John hopes to purchase a stovepipe hat in order to better emulate his temporal doppelgänger Abraham Lincoln -- and, in addition, to discover a cure for death.

Greg (Head Bonanzier)

As Head Bonanzier, Greg is almost certainly one of the top four (4) most important members of the Fantastic Bonanza team. His duties are of the standard variety for a small-scale t-shirt printing operation like Fantastic Bonanza: web-designing, product-designing, brainstorming, angrily storming, shirt-printing, lion-taming, hoops-shooting, and underwater basket-weaving. However, Joe and John mostly just put up with Greg because of his Brobdingnagian height; he is very good at getting hard-to-reach things.

Greg likes playing as Professor Plum in Clue, and as the battleship in Monopoly, though he is usually pretty flexible on the matter.

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